Importance of Setting Boundaries
During the holiday season, additional demands are typically placed upon our time and energy reserves. Often, the usual routines that provide us a sense of predictability, calm and well-being tend to go right out the window!
While the holidays can bring us joy and excitement, they can also be a huge source of stress and cause feelings of fatigue, exhaustion and even overwhelming frustration. 
Personal Boundaries Definition
Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries can keep us safe from physical, emotional and even spiritual harm. They can prevent us from taking on too many holiday tasks or giving up the soothing activities that keep us feeling grounded and at peace with ourselves and the world around us.
Healthy boundaries can also protect our mental and physical health, our self-esteem and our overall sense of well-being. Without them, we can become very stressed, anxious, angry or even resentful…none of which embody the spirit of the Holidays!
It can be especially challenging to set healthy boundaries with our loved ones who have grown accustomed to the precedents we ourselves have set by our previous choices and actions.Decide before the holidays which activities you will host or attend based upon what you feel you can realistically do without sacrificing your health, sanity, or family relationships.
Ideas for Setting Boundaries During the Holidays
- Create a three-day rule for house guests to save your sanity
- Draw names for gift-giving, instead of buying for “everyone”
- Take your own transportation, so you can leave on your schedule (oh, Hell yeah…!)
- Walk away from gossip (it only causes stress and discontentment)
Use the phrase “I have decided that…” instead of “I can’t go because..” - Take responsibility for your own Holiday joy
- Say no without guilt
- Ask for what you need or want. “Say what you mean; mean what you say but don’t say it mean.” (Al-Anon phrase)
- Realize everything doesn’t have to be perfect and your holiday will still be nice.
- Don’t get roped into negative conversations (divert with a positive compliment instead)
- Keep answers to negative comments short (“No thank you” or “ I appreciate your concern”) then walk away.
A few simple phrases that work for most requests are as follows:
“I wish I could but I can’t; thank you for understanding.”
“Oh, I cannot join you this time. Enjoy the get together and I’ll see you another time.”
“Sorry, I have other plans.” Your other plans may be to give yourself the rest that your body needs during the hectic holiday season and that is perfectly okay!
No need to go into an explanation. Stop there; you’ve said enough. You do not owe anyone an explanation for declining an invitation or choosing another activity. And with chronic pain, it is better to not go into detail about your limitations. YOU do not need to focus on them nor discuss them to justify your choice.
Research has shown that we tend to believe what we hear ourselves say about ourselves MORE than we believe anything we hear others say about us.
So do not say negative things about yourself and do not argue for your limitations!
Need More Ideas on Setting Boundaries?
If we have gone too far in the past and given too much of ourselves (and paid for it dearly!), we may need to do a “re-set.”
A re-set is like the “do-overs” we called out for as children on the playground when we wanted another chance to get something right. Do you remember those days?!? (Pause and Insert joyful memory here…)
As adults, there may be times when we need emotional support in order to shift from unhealthy patterns of behavior that may compromise our health and well-being to better practices of self-care.
Please utilize this opportunity to share your experiences on our Facebook Page. Then come back to our page and read about others’ struggles and solutions. You will likely find others with similar challenges to your own and may hear of a solution that could work for you too!Every small step towards a healthier you is extremely important and deserves to be recognized and celebrated. There are often many different obstacles and challenges that must be addressed and conquered in order to make every step of progress towards meeting your goals.
Boundaries with Relationships and Families During the Holiday Season
Be sure to NOTICE, take the time to COMMUNICATE your progress with people who love and support you and finally, be sure to CELEBRATE all of your positive steps along the way! What’s more important than maintaining a positive spirit and sense of hope?
There may be people in your life who have difficulty understanding your experience of chronic pain because nothing they have experienced yet compares to it. While that can be very frustrating at times, that is okay.
None of us can truly understand all the nuances of another person’s individual experiences, but listening to one another can sure help to bridge the gap. Find the people in your life who will take the time to really listen and encourage your day-to-day efforts to manage your pain to the best of your ability.
Finally, a word of caution: when we set healthier boundaries by saying No to doing more than we can reasonably do, sometimes our loved ones do not really appreciate our response.
If you are just starting to set boundaries then start slowly, for example add one boundary at a time until you are comfortable with the process.
You may experience some “push-back” from loved ones who benefit from maintaining the status quo. Don’t be surprised but don’t compromise on what your body needs. They will usually come around and accept the new routines with time so long as you maintain your ground. And both you and they will respect you even more in the long run.